Sunday, December 28, 2008

Laugh It Off

It's that kind of day, when the little tornado I call a son follows me around undoing all the cleaning I just did. The dog won't stay off the couch and is overly protective of the overly annoying squeak toy. I knew buying that toy was going to be a mistake, my bad.

There's nothing good on T.V. and there's nothing to eat. Sound familiar?

The hubby called to make sure I had the game on, he's already upset that he will have to miss 10 minutes of the game on his drive home from work. He asked me if he should bring anything home, yes - my sanity.

Oh, how cute am I? I'm miserable and I still got jokes! Well, I'm not all that amused at the moment. I'm still fuming about the pile of crushed crackers littered all over the floor I just vaccuumed. ALL OVER. When did he even have time to do it? I vaccuumed, I changed him, I took him upstairs to get cream for his diaper rash, I come back down stairs and there's the crackers, everywhere. The dog didn't do it. If it was the dog there wouldn't have been a single crumb left for me to find. Maybe we have a toddler ghost in the house. Spooky.

The dog is chasing the cat, turn around to break it up, turn back around to find that somehow my son managed to shrink everything on the computer screen so tiny that a magnifying glass couldn't help me read it. How did he do that? I haven't figured out how to make things bigger or smaller and yet in 2 seconds my 2 year old figures it out. I still don't know what he did. I've spent several minutes here just banging on the keys and playing with the mouse and nothing happens. Tricky little toddler.

Ya know, If this Mom gig came with umbrella drinks it would be a perfect paradise. As frustating as this day has been, now that it's all over I'm kind of amused. It wasn't until I was telling my husband about the terror the dog and the child had caused me today, when I saw his crooked smile trying not to laugh at me that I realized just how funny the day had actually been. Let's just hope tomorrow isn't a repeat!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Don't Push My Buttons!

I constantly hear people talking about how things should come with an easy button; kids, work... everything. But wouldn't it also be nice if certain things came with a delete button? No more pretending that "that never happened" or hoping that someone would forget that really stupid uh-oh you did last week.

Perhaps we would be able to "unsee" things, like the kid puking in the resturant or the woman who unsuccessfully stuffed herself into some spandex.

How great would it be, if we could delete the mess in the women's bathroom! It would be a miracle! Or better yet, delete the line that's creating the mess in the women's bathroom! What a revolution it would be for the women's public bathroom experience!

Now, to make it worse, there are "family bathrooms" where both men and women can go into the same bathroom without feeling awkward about taking your toddler boy to the women's room or your toddler girl into the men's room. I'm sorry, but there is a reason why men need to use a stall far, far away from women. I don't know about you, but that's some funk that need never come to my nose! And to all you men, a courtesy flush just doesn't do it.

Imagine being able to delete every nasty comment that ruined your day. I know we say "just ignore it" and we try to just let it go and move on.... It works in theory anyway.

The most amazing button of all though, would be the Delete Bullshit button. It would be so much easier to make our way in this world if we weren't wading knee deep in it. We are all equipped with our own Delete Bullshit button, some people just choose not to use theirs. Those people deserve to be banished to the women's bathroom.

* A special thanks to all those Custodians who attempt to keep the women's bathroom clean for the rest of us. I know trying is sometimes futile, but you do it anyway. Much love to you!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Walk the Line

There's a layer of snow and ice on the roads that the plows can't quite get up all the way and I can't help but realize just how important those lines on the road really are. I mean it seems simple enough, stay on the right side of the road, park parallel to the car next to you (leaving enough space to open the door of course!) and stop before the light. It amazes me how much trouble is caused on the roads from not being able to see these lines. I have seen cars that don't stop until they are directly under the light - ok so maybe they slide a little - and i have seen a two lane road made into a 3 lane road and vise verse. What amazes me the most is the complete inability to park in a acceptable manner. There is always that gap that just might be big enough for you to squeeze into without scraping the next vehicle, but do you really want to attempt it? And then when you do find a spot big enough that isn't out in Timbuktu, you pull in just to see that the person on one side parked incredibly crooked and there's no way that you can fit your car all the way into the spot. Is it really that hard to park? So hard that we just can't do it without lines? Do you really have to be able to see the arrow on the road to know that if you need to turn left, maybe you should be in the left lane? How dare that snow fall upon our world and throw our little hamster wheels off track! You would think that mother nature would have figured out that there is no such thing as common sense without instructions! It makes you realize just how important the line is in our society. Just think about what a jumbled mess the bank, or better yet - the airport, would be without those ropes. Imagine the fights that would break out at the deli if there were no line numbers. Imagine how long it would take for you to check out of Walmart, especially at Christmas time. It would be chaos with so many people, baskets piled high with toys all running each other over. Notice how people need a sidewalk in order to know that they aren't supposed to walk in the middle of the street? I mean it, communities that have no sidewalks also tend to have somebody walking in the road instead of on the side of the road? Isn't it sad how the lady on the corner had to get her yard fenced in so people would know to go around and not through her yard? Even hospitals now put color coded lines on the floor because people would still get lost if you told them to go up one floor and make 2 rights then a left. We humans just cannot function without lines! The line is sacred, and yet fire and the wheel get all the glory for being man's greatest creations!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pillow Talk

It was a long and frustrating day for both me and the hubby so we were cuddling in front of the T.V. attempting to wind down. He was pretty upset with his job and at times I wonder if he has a hard time remembering what we are going through this for, so I decided to remind him. I was going on and on about our dream to get a home in south Florida and he would have his Photography career and we would never have to suffer through another winter. He wasn't really feeling better and kept regressing back to all the day's trials. I told him he wasn't allowed to say another word unless it was about Florida. That worked. For the next half hour I had to listen about how his favorite football team - Miami Dolphins - made it to the playoffs. How romantic.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Brain Farts and Grey Hair

Why should anyone care what I think? Because I'm interesting! You'll see, having an interest in pretty much everything tends to make you that way. Religion, Politics, Parenting, Sports, Science, People... there's always something to talk about. But, have you ever noticed that despite all that you think about, when someone asks you what you're thinking about, your mind suddenly goes blank. Kind of like when someone asks you what you want for your birthday all you can say is, "Uh...." It's like that with me right now. Here I am attempting to type my first blog, a blog I started because I have jumbles of stuff that I want to share with the rest of the world, and I can't think of a single thing to write about. It's a rare moment of downtime, the kid is asleep, the hubby is at work, there's nothing that needs doing... and I am failing to operate. We all need a break every now and then, but this break is messing up my vibe! How am I supposed to keep my brain on track when there is nothing to keep track of!? I guess we just can't win no matter what we do! Perhaps these brain farts increase as we go through life losing bits and pieces of our mind as we go along, and then out pops another grey hair. Should we envy the bald guys? For every one of their hairs that falls out just as it turns grey, that's one more brain fart that no one ever has to know about. Lucky! What should be a mark of honor for successfully battling another highly stressful situation is instead serving as a reminder of how old you are, which can in itself inspire more grey hairs. It's a losing battle people. We should just think of every brain malfunction as a mini vacation, yeah that's it, its our brain's way of telling us to take a break for a minute... or 60. And as for those grey hairs, they aren't grey, they are silver. It means you're worth more! Ain't that good news in today's economy!