Thursday, March 5, 2009

Fat and... Happy?

Like many other women out there I am interested in shedding a few pounds. I was browsing the web looking for fun dances that also provide a work out and I also wanted to know if it was possible to get a flat tummy even though I have a c-section scar.

I found a forum where the same question had been asked and to my surprise there was a comment that told the woman that she needs to get over it, she's a mom now and shouldn't be trying to impress anyone.


I have determined that this person must have been either an old hag or someone who has been unsuccessful in achieving thier weight loss goals. Gosh, why do people have to go bringing other people down?! As my mother would say - if you don't have anything nice to say, SHUT UP! (ok, so I put a slight twist on it!)

If you want to be sexy, then be sexy. Whatever makes you happy. If you want to be a bump on a log, then go be a bump where the rest of us don't have to deal with you. Again, whatever makes you happy.

If you think that the man who fathered your children is the sexiest beast you've ever seen and you wanna be able to shake your booty for him without needing to stop and catch your breath, then you go mamma! Shake your groove thang!

If Psychologists Ruled the World

If Psychologists ruled the world would it be a better place? After all, many people seek out therapists to find some calm in thier lives. Psychology encourages us to think critically and ask questions so lets do just that.

According to a video I watched for my Psychology class, the media shouldn't pressure men so much with things like "one-upmanship." Nevermind that it's in a man's (even a woman's) nature to be competitive. But oh wait, competition isn't good for us apperently, thats why when our children try out for school sports - everyone makes the team! Yay, what an achievment!

I don't know what or when it happened, but all of a sudden everyone is sensitive. Don't hurt thier feelings, they might become unstable! Maybe if people weren't so protected they would learn how to cope with thier feelings instead of flying off the handle and doing something extreme.

Maybe, when people do go out and do something crazy, they should be held accountable for thier actions. I think psychology has made up an excuse for every criminal out there. They never are just plain old guilty, usually there is some sort of stress, or disorder, or trauma (and the list goes on.... and on....). Everyone who's ever been stressed out say "aye". Anyone who's ever been emotional say "aye." Soooo, how many crimes have you gone out and committed? Most (I hope) will say zero. So why is it that Psychologists ("scientists"), are so willing to accept that people are not ultimately responsible for thier actions?

If you know the difference between right and wrong and you make a choice and act on it, are you not in control of your actions then? Is it really that hard a concept to grasp?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Fashion Funny

I am what I call Fashion Funny, that is that I have a funny shape and the latest fashions don't fit me. My current issue is with the Beanie hat. I see many other people who look great in Beanie hats and the hats cover their ears. Not only does Beanie not cover my ears but it also makes me look like i have a condom on my head. I have never been a fan of the hats that have the pom poms dangling down by the shoulder and the tufty pom pom on top because several girls I have seen with them look like jumped right off the pages of a Dr. Seuss book.

I can't find a good pair of jeans either. You would think that with all the different styles and cuts that something would fit, but once again I have a pretty funny figure. I have the typical white girl figure, not very curvy but not stick straight, except unlike many white girls I have a butt. It's pretty hard trying to squeeze said butt into a pair of jeans that were not made to accommodate it. Now that I have had a child I also have something called hips, more to try and stuff in!

Shirts are often too short. I am by no means tall, standing at only 5 foot 2 inches I am typically restricted to the petite sections. I am noticing that while shirts come in wider sizes, they don't come in longer sizes. it didn't matter much when i was a teen, but now my belly button doesn't want to play peek-a-boo anymore.

Bless me and my fat feet that don't fit into any shoes, well they fit into wide sizes but stores rarely carry them. Forget about finding those really cute heels in a wide size or better yet, knee high boots. As cute as those boots are, I'm starting to think that they aren't worth my circulation being cut off at my ankle or my calf getting pinched by the zipper.

I think that the people who make panties are trying to play tricks on us. They make them so that they fit comfortably around your hips but then the butt is too narrow and your constantly pulling wedgies out all day. And try wearing a thong, first of all the thong part is rarely long enough to fit all the way around and after an hour of wearing it you start thinking its sawing through your rear end.

Am I doomed to live out the rest of my days wearing my husband's clothes? Because right now it seems like the only clothes and shoes that fit me (that cover everything) are men's.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Back To School Again

I started school again in the fall which was just as much of a nightmare as it was the first time I attempted college right after high school. It's not the classes that are the trouble really, it's dealing with the institution; financial aid, registration, advisers, computer services, the campus bookstore... It's a whole lot trouble and money just to take one online class! I did well nonetheless so this this semester I am daring to take two online classes. Once again I'm biting my nails waiting for my financial aid to be posted so I can make sure there are no mistakes and so I can get my check to go buy books before the semester starts... in eleven days. ELEVEN DAYS?! hey have 11 days to post my financial aid and mail my check, check get to me and me go buy books! I'm distance learning so I should be able to have my aid in time to order my books online but I'm fortunate enough to actually live close enough to just go pick them up myself.

It makes me wonder though, how are the other distance education students doing this? Does the school even realize the inefficiency of their system? The previous school I attended had all aid for the year posted and checks were issued with plenty of time to get books and add and drop classes 10 times before the next semester started. You would think that, especially since we are now officially living the electronic age, that everything would move faster, not slower.

I sometimes imagine that there is a little old lady that has been working the department for 50 years sitting behind a computer trying to figure it out. She would probably do a lot of mumbling about how way back in the good ol' days there were no fancy shmancy computers and her generation turned out just fine. Sometimes I wish I could point out to my imaginary clerk that it was her generation that kicked the technology surge in to high gear.

I can sympathize with parents that feel left behind when their children are more up to speed then they are on the latest technology, but when it's your own generation that has past you by, maybe you need to rethink all that your missing. For this reason, I fear a lack of higher learning and continue to suffer through the inefficiency of this institution (by the way, I am well aware that there are better quality services provided at other schools however this one is close by, has what I want and is affordable!!!). Education is education no matter where you get it, and there's no law telling you when to stop learning.

You would think that since it is their business to teach others the most practical ways to conduct their careers and businesses, that they would have taught themselves how to keep operations running smoothly and practical. Sometimes i wonder if students aren't really dropping out because they don't apply themselves to their studies, but because they don't feel it's worth dealing with the school. I meet a lot of young adults that are trying to find other ways get an education and build a career without going to college because it's too much hassle and it is really hard to put it into a better perspective for these people.

Maybe the hardest part is looking past what your doing now, to what you will be doing in 5 years. In my second year of college I still can't picture myself in some fancy office or doing some high paying job or driving a BMW. Blue collar is all I have ever known, this is my world. Can you really blame other middle class students from not being able to separate their dreams from the pipe dream pile to reality pile? Big breaks and shiny things just don't happen for people like us no matter how much time and energy we put into it. Besides, there is nothing wrong with being the country's laboring backbone right?

There is everything wrong with if your dreams don't go in that direction. If you want to be a truck driver, driving around and seeing the country then that's fabulous! But if your really dreaming of being an engineer, designing the roads, bridges and highway systems then how are you ever going to be happy as a driver?

Being from a blue collar family I have also learned something else, nothing in life that is worth it is ever easy. We grew up being taught the value of persistence and a job well done, values that ought to be carried through to our education. Yeah, so Dad's paycheck never increased a single penny in 15 years, Dad also never quit. So Mom came home tired and achy every night, she never quit either. They knew what they were working for and that is the key to success. Know what you are working for.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Laugh It Off

It's that kind of day, when the little tornado I call a son follows me around undoing all the cleaning I just did. The dog won't stay off the couch and is overly protective of the overly annoying squeak toy. I knew buying that toy was going to be a mistake, my bad.

There's nothing good on T.V. and there's nothing to eat. Sound familiar?

The hubby called to make sure I had the game on, he's already upset that he will have to miss 10 minutes of the game on his drive home from work. He asked me if he should bring anything home, yes - my sanity.

Oh, how cute am I? I'm miserable and I still got jokes! Well, I'm not all that amused at the moment. I'm still fuming about the pile of crushed crackers littered all over the floor I just vaccuumed. ALL OVER. When did he even have time to do it? I vaccuumed, I changed him, I took him upstairs to get cream for his diaper rash, I come back down stairs and there's the crackers, everywhere. The dog didn't do it. If it was the dog there wouldn't have been a single crumb left for me to find. Maybe we have a toddler ghost in the house. Spooky.

The dog is chasing the cat, turn around to break it up, turn back around to find that somehow my son managed to shrink everything on the computer screen so tiny that a magnifying glass couldn't help me read it. How did he do that? I haven't figured out how to make things bigger or smaller and yet in 2 seconds my 2 year old figures it out. I still don't know what he did. I've spent several minutes here just banging on the keys and playing with the mouse and nothing happens. Tricky little toddler.

Ya know, If this Mom gig came with umbrella drinks it would be a perfect paradise. As frustating as this day has been, now that it's all over I'm kind of amused. It wasn't until I was telling my husband about the terror the dog and the child had caused me today, when I saw his crooked smile trying not to laugh at me that I realized just how funny the day had actually been. Let's just hope tomorrow isn't a repeat!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Don't Push My Buttons!

I constantly hear people talking about how things should come with an easy button; kids, work... everything. But wouldn't it also be nice if certain things came with a delete button? No more pretending that "that never happened" or hoping that someone would forget that really stupid uh-oh you did last week.

Perhaps we would be able to "unsee" things, like the kid puking in the resturant or the woman who unsuccessfully stuffed herself into some spandex.

How great would it be, if we could delete the mess in the women's bathroom! It would be a miracle! Or better yet, delete the line that's creating the mess in the women's bathroom! What a revolution it would be for the women's public bathroom experience!

Now, to make it worse, there are "family bathrooms" where both men and women can go into the same bathroom without feeling awkward about taking your toddler boy to the women's room or your toddler girl into the men's room. I'm sorry, but there is a reason why men need to use a stall far, far away from women. I don't know about you, but that's some funk that need never come to my nose! And to all you men, a courtesy flush just doesn't do it.

Imagine being able to delete every nasty comment that ruined your day. I know we say "just ignore it" and we try to just let it go and move on.... It works in theory anyway.

The most amazing button of all though, would be the Delete Bullshit button. It would be so much easier to make our way in this world if we weren't wading knee deep in it. We are all equipped with our own Delete Bullshit button, some people just choose not to use theirs. Those people deserve to be banished to the women's bathroom.

* A special thanks to all those Custodians who attempt to keep the women's bathroom clean for the rest of us. I know trying is sometimes futile, but you do it anyway. Much love to you!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Walk the Line

There's a layer of snow and ice on the roads that the plows can't quite get up all the way and I can't help but realize just how important those lines on the road really are. I mean it seems simple enough, stay on the right side of the road, park parallel to the car next to you (leaving enough space to open the door of course!) and stop before the light. It amazes me how much trouble is caused on the roads from not being able to see these lines. I have seen cars that don't stop until they are directly under the light - ok so maybe they slide a little - and i have seen a two lane road made into a 3 lane road and vise verse. What amazes me the most is the complete inability to park in a acceptable manner. There is always that gap that just might be big enough for you to squeeze into without scraping the next vehicle, but do you really want to attempt it? And then when you do find a spot big enough that isn't out in Timbuktu, you pull in just to see that the person on one side parked incredibly crooked and there's no way that you can fit your car all the way into the spot. Is it really that hard to park? So hard that we just can't do it without lines? Do you really have to be able to see the arrow on the road to know that if you need to turn left, maybe you should be in the left lane? How dare that snow fall upon our world and throw our little hamster wheels off track! You would think that mother nature would have figured out that there is no such thing as common sense without instructions! It makes you realize just how important the line is in our society. Just think about what a jumbled mess the bank, or better yet - the airport, would be without those ropes. Imagine the fights that would break out at the deli if there were no line numbers. Imagine how long it would take for you to check out of Walmart, especially at Christmas time. It would be chaos with so many people, baskets piled high with toys all running each other over. Notice how people need a sidewalk in order to know that they aren't supposed to walk in the middle of the street? I mean it, communities that have no sidewalks also tend to have somebody walking in the road instead of on the side of the road? Isn't it sad how the lady on the corner had to get her yard fenced in so people would know to go around and not through her yard? Even hospitals now put color coded lines on the floor because people would still get lost if you told them to go up one floor and make 2 rights then a left. We humans just cannot function without lines! The line is sacred, and yet fire and the wheel get all the glory for being man's greatest creations!